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I have so many times in the past had moments where I lost sense of direction and became a victim to my own life. In moments of great stress and uncertainty I would start feeling like everything sort of happened to me and there was nothing I could really do. I would get lost in swirls of loneliness and finding peace within became something short of impossible.
Instead of living my life I felt consumed by it. Well, can you really become the victim of your own life as if you have no real way to react? Life doesn’t happen TO you – things don’t magically occur by chance or coincidence. I mean yes, there is definitely a large degree of luck and well, “un-luck”— but 80% of the “things” that happen to you are things that we consciously decide to create, participate in, or accept. So the real problem is not what happens but how we face these “things”; how we decide to feel and what changes we choose to implement in order to improve our well-being.
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Don’t be a Victim
I remember a few years ago just feeling awful. I spent six months cooped up in my mind and dealing with life out of sheer momentum. Life didn’t pause, I had to keep going. Yet somehow and someway my mind went on pause- playing over and over thoughts and moods like a broken record. I was completely overpowered and absorbed by sheer life (the everyday chaos and routine that I disliked at that time). A feeling of helplessness soon drained all of my energy and I was left with no stamina or mental clarity to really see where my life was heading.
Looking back, I realize that my main problem was getting caught up in stress. It had come to dominate my thoughts, and turned everything into a source of negativity. The more I thought, the worse I felt. The more I cried, the more I felt sorry for myself. What a pity-party! Why didn’t I just get up and start living or at least reacting? Playing the victim didn’t help me feel any better; in fact, it only aggravated my feelings of helplessness.
Be a Leader
Through years and experience I have come to find a way for coping with the setbacks in everyday life- whether big or small. I have emerged from my shell that used to stand by and watch things happen. I have found 8 strategies to finding peace within that are essential to helping me remain grounded.
With a new attitude and mindset, I have learned to not let myself get overwhelmed and get “caught up” in life. Instead, I choose to be the leader of my life. I decide what is important and what needs attention. More importantly I now know that life doesn’t happen to me… I make it happen – I am the protagonist of my own life. (Check out my guide on how to become the protagonist of your life)!
Finding Peace Within – 8 Strategies to Implement Every Day
1. Have a Plan/Have Direction
One of the major causes for why people at times feel lost is because they don’t have a sense for where they are headed. If it’s a relationship, are they headed towards marriage? If it’s a job, are they headed towards career growth? Is this even the career they want? If it’s a new fitness program, is the goal endurance, strength, or size?
So much of our identity builds upon the goals that we have for our future. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that the future is so important that it should overshadow our present. But if we don’t have a vague picture of our future we tend to feel unsettled and anxious. This in turn affects our way of living the present. And that ladies, is the number one reason for feeling un-grounded; not being present.
Try to truly understand what you need and to have clear what you would like. Be truthful! Instead of listening to your thoughts, listen to your emotions- it’s a better indicator of how you feel. Do you want to move to a different city, get married, change profession, lose weight, etc.? Whatever the emotion is telling you make it your direction and your goal. Not only will this help you get a handle on it, but it will become your guide throughout. Instead of working towards some undefined picture you now have a concrete image. This image will not only increase your sense of security, but it will greatly heighten your motivation and enthusiasm for your everyday life– I guarantee it!
2. Make Peace with the Unknown
This ladies, is the story of my life. I have time and time again had to deal with rather tricky situations with uncertainty mining the entire path along the way. Not knowing exactly how something would occur or when it would occur was plain dreadful. As normal individuals, we wish to have everything under control in order to feel we are headed somewhere. We don’t want to waste time waiting for question marks to be lifted.
But as I stated previously, we don’t need to know everything in order to be headed somewhere. Most of the time, the details or the time-table for accomplishing something will be unclear.
“How soon will my partner and I be able to live in the same city?” “How successful will I be in my new career?” “Will my financial investments be good enough for my pension?”
These are all questions that we can’t answer until they actually start to happen. This causes fear as we are in a sense giving up a part of our control. But on the other hand, does it make sense to fret, lose sleep, and develop an ulcer over something that we can’t predict?
At this point a decision has to be made: whether what you are fighting for is truly worth it or not. If the answer is yes, then accept the uncertainty. All you need to know is that you are working your hardest towards a set goal- everything that happens in between is part of the path. Have faith and everything will fall into place; I truly believe this to my core.
3. Find a Positive Twist to Everything
I know this sounds corny as hell but it’s true. “I didn’t get the job”– well maybe this gives me the opportunity to get an even better job. “I broke my leg”– well this gives me time home from work that I can dedicate to getting to know my nieces better. “I stepped in gum and the sole of my shoe tore off”– thank god this happened now and not on our jungle expedition next month LOL.” It sounds dumb, but I honestly try to practice it every day- from the smallest little thing to the bigger more important things. This not only helps me remain grateful, but it helps me keep things into perspective, keeping my feelings of stress at bay.
4. Gauge the Importance of Things that Happen
Similar to the previous point, try to evaluate objectively whether something should really be stressing you out. I guarantee that 90% are things of little importance that because of a temporary loss of perspective seem to become universal tragedies. There are two questions I like to use to help myself with this.
The classic, “will I remember this in a week?” If you won’t remember it or it won’t be important then immediately fling that thought or energy that you’re holding onto out the window- it’s only bringing you unneeded negativity.
A second question I like to use (in communication contexts) is “would I have said the same thing?” This is a question I use when I start to feel defensive, offended, or irritated. I try to put myself in the other person’s shoes and more often than not, something that is beginning to offend me is something that I in the first place would have thought or said coming from the other side. In this case it helps my let go of whatever I’m feeling and move on.
5. Stop Negativity from Snow-Balling
We all do it. We start thinking about the fact that we spent 10 dollars on a horrible movie and soon enough we are thinking about the degradation of society. This is something that I really try to work on given that I’m such an expert in it :D. I find myself irritated for something stupid, and I keep thinking about it, and holding on to it – it is no wonder that I attract more and more negative thoughts! Not only are these thoughts a complete misrepresentation of reality, they also only serve to make me feel worse. Why do I want to feel worse?? To combat this inclination, I try to catch myself and even get a laugh out of it.
Let me elaborate. Maybe I’m late and I need to get gas and the first gas station is out of order. I catch myself then moving on to thinking how living in the city is unsustainable and that this stupid person in front of me doesn’t know how to drive. I can’t help but laugh when I notice my thought process- had that first gas station been open in the first place, I never would have been bothered by the slow driver or the chaos of the city.
So my advice is to try to place your thoughts and understand where they stem from- most likely they are unfounded. Interrupt them and force yourself to see something positive- I guarantee that breaking this chain of thought, as hard as it is, will really lighten up your day and help keep your mood in check.
6. Put Out the Energy you Would Like to Receive Back
Similar to the previous strategy, this point focuses on how negative energy will only attract more negative energy. It is so true! How many times has it happened that all the things that could have gone wrong went wrong in a single day??
I know my moods and I know no good can come from my negativity. Because I wish to experience positivity I try to limit my negative energy, regardless of the situation at hand. I believe that you really do reap what you sew, and by putting on a smile and a cheerful attitude, someone or something will take notice, and an opportunity for a big smile will come right back to you.
7. Change What You Don’t Like
Most people start to feel lost when they have to deal with a situation in their life that they don’t like or that doesn’t satisfy them. Usually these people are not even aware they could make a change- they just think that those are the standards of life and never really sit down to question how they feel or where they could be going. All they know is that they feel like they are in a dead-end life that will never really lead them to ultimate happiness.
The first thing is to become aware that you can change things. Even if it seems impossible, even if it’s scary, even if it will take time, even if no one believes it to be possible, you can do it. You can indeed morph that fixed mindset into a growth mindset.
The second good thing is that we are not trees, and we have the ability to get up, move and do something about it. If you feel like something is missing, figure out what is missing and don’t fill it up with something else, but pursue that element until it becomes part of your life. That is the ultimate satisfaction.
8. Avoid Rushing Things
I mean this in all ways. Whether it’s making a decision or getting ready in the morning. Being in a rush never leads to anything good. You risk forgetting things, making mistakes, and overall it causes you to work at a pace that in general is uncomfortable for you.
Some people say that multitasking and doing things last minute allows them more time for the things they truly enjoy. What actually ends up happening is that they neither enjoy what they are doing and then most likely mess up whatever they had to do subsequently because they now have to do it in a rush.
I used to wake up 20 minutes before I left the house and I was always a torpedo of hormones that always seemed to be late. All this just to sleep an extra half hour! Now, with my morning routine, I wake up at least an hour and a half before leaving the house and it has truly made a difference. I do things without worrying, without fretting, I never forget things, I have more time to myself and am never late. Honestly it sets the tone to my whole day and rewards me with much peace.
REMARKS
So, these are my 8 tips ladies to finding peace within. Some of them might seem dumb, some of them super hard to implement, but it’s what worked and continues to work for me. Sometimes I have to work more on one than on others, and when things get really frantic I have to make an effort to work on all of them simultaneously. I have come a long way and it is so comforting to see the growth my mindset has achieved. I am truly more stable, grounded, and I no longer sweat the small stuff…on most days! I hope these strategies can be of aid to you and please comment below if you have any other tips or stories- I’m always in search of new opportunities for self-improvement! Think Positive Thoughts!
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